The Doctors Wife

Charleston

Mike and I made a little trip to Charleston, and we had such a great time! It is a very charming city and the down-town area is just beautiful! We enjoyed a carriage tour and I have to say I am just in love with all of the beautiful details! We had to take a little detour on our tour because several streets were closed for the filming of "Army Wives" (love that show!) I never saw any of the stars, but it was still neat to see!

A Little Get-Away

Last week Mike and I were able to get-away together for the FIRST time since we have had kids. Needless to say, I spent the last couple of weeks prepping for the trip, enjoying some one on one time with my hubby and now trying to get back into the swing of things. Can I say how much I LOVED getting to have some serious couple time? I had so much fun and it was so relaxing, but I sure did miss my little rovers, and after five days away, I was ready to come back home! 

We went to San Antonio and it was such a fun city! I haven't been since I was in high school, and it is such a pretty city, (which I didn't really remember, I remember shopping and the Alamo- ha!)  Mike and I had a great time and I can't wait to go back.  I am hoping that we will be able to get away for a long weekend this fall... any great places that we need to try?

Medical Mondays- Back From A Break!

So I am picking up Medical Mondays- and to start things off again, I am going to attempt to answer a question that I get a lot, especially lately! 

      "How do you deal with your husband seeing patients (especially those of the opposite sex) nude? As a married woman, does it bother you? Do you feel like it takes away from the bond you share? As a Christian, how do you feel about this? Am I crazy for feeling like this? I know that it is professional, but I cannot seem to get over this, how do you handle it?"

I get this question a lot, so for those of you who find yourself feeling this way, you are certainly not alone. First, I will say that this is something that for me personally, has not been an issue. That being said, I understand how it can feel like something that can take away some of the sanctity of a marriage relationship. I expect my body to be for my husband's eyes only, and vice versa, so where do patients fall into this?

As a patient, when my doctor is giving me a physical exam, I do not feel on any level that I am betraying my husband, or acting in any way inappropriately in my marriage. For me this makes the transition that when it is my husband who is giving the physical exam, he is not betraying me or our marriage by doing so. (And I feel I must point out that there is ALWAYS a third party in the room. It is for the protection of the patient, but in my opinion, more for the protection of the doctor). 

I truly believe that when a doctor is looking at a patients body, it is in a professional way, void of any sexuality. It is a part of their jobs, and is something that really does become, "no big deal". But I understand that it can feel like a big deal, as no one likes the thought of their husband looking at naked women all day, but that isn't how it is. They are seeing patients, and a physical exam is often a crucial step in treating the patient effectively. I feel that God called my husband into medicine, and he is using his God given gifts and talents to help others, and part of this calling is a physical exam. "For I know the plans I have for you, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." (Jeremiah 29:11)

I know that some of you get this on an intellectual level, but cannot get over it on an emotional one. It grieves your heart and has become a stumbling block in your marriage. An issue that creates tension, stress, discontent, and distance. 1 Peter 5:8 tells us, "Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour." I think some of you are in the midst of the mouth of the devil, you are being devoured over this. I believe that this can become a battlefield in your mind, and Satan will mess with your head at every chance he gets, and I urge you to pray about it. Ask a friend to pray for you, and most importantly ask your husband to pray for you. Some of you have expressed that your husbands are irritated by your feelings about this, and it has become a source of conflict in your marriage. Tell your husband how you feel, not in an accusatory manner, but simply explain that you know this is a stumbling block, and you are praying about it, but need his support and prayer too.  "Again, I tell you that if two of you on earth agree about anything you ask for, it will be done for you by my Father in heaven." (Matthew 18:19) And know, that I am praying for you too. 

If you feel like you have exhausted all of your options, I urge you to seek help from a trusted pastor, or a Christian counselor, as there may be issues that you are not even aware of that are at the actual root of the problem. Now it's your turn to share, how can we encourage someone who is dealing with this issue?

Medical Mondays- Saying I Do

I get lots of emails from women who are engaged to or dating medical students/residents/attendings and want my advice on whether or not they should go ahead and take the plunge and walk down the aisle. They have usually been bombarded with negativity about being a medical spouse and feel overwhelmed with other people's (usually) negative opinions. 

 And sometimes I just don't know what to say. Some give very detailed descriptions of situations while others are very general. But regardless of how much information I have, I am in no way qualified to tell someone whether or not they should get married. And I have no way of knowing how things will turn out, and what their medical marriage will be like. 

But because I get a lot of emails (and I am sorry to say I take a sweet forever to answer them) I thought I would share a few of my general opinions about marriage, and more specifically, a medical marriage. 

And now I will take this opportunity to remind you that this is all MY opinion and if you do not agree with or like my opinion that is perfectly fine, but if you want to be rude, nasty, hateful or otherwise unpleasant, please save me the trouble from having to delete any disrespectful comments by simply not leaving them. I am not a marriage expert, nor do I claim to have a perfect marriage, the following is simply MY thoughts since I frequently get emails regarding my thoughts on this subject. I know that my beliefs on marriage are not shared by everyone and again, that is just fine. Please respect my beliefs and save the hating for something more deserving...like high fructose corn syrup)

First things first, I believe that marriage is a lifelong commitment that is a covenant between a man, a woman, and God. I do not believe that it should be entered into lightly and should be thoughtfully and prayerfully considered. And my word! There is a lot to pray about and consider when you are talking about joining your life with someone else's!  My best advice to anyone considering marriage is to pray, talk over things with your fiance, and seek Godly counsel. As hard as it sounds, it would be much better in the long run to talk things over and find out about any "deal breakers" before you walk down the aisle. (do you both want children? will you both work? how will money be handled? how is household labor to be shared? what are your religious beliefs and how will they affect how you raise your children? Trust me, there are LOTS of things to talk about!) When I say deal breakers, I'm not talking about being rigid and not compromising, but are there things that you cannot live with or without? Are there major differences in your beliefs that you cannot  compromise on? Better to know ahead of time so you know exactly what you are getting into (or out of).

Marriage will not magically fix the problems in your relationship. That's not how it works, marriage is not a band-aide that will heal challenges and problems you are facing. Issues that you face as a couple will always be there. 

In a good marriage, you will have to make sacrifices (and so will your spouse). Sometimes you will have to put your spouse and their needs ahead of your own. (and this is a two way street) A medical marriage will call for sacrifice, but this is not anything exclusive to being married to a doctor. ALL marriages will take sacrifice, some more than others, but it's part of the deal. Part of being in a marriage is having to  replace the selfishness we feel with selflessness. And everyone will struggle with this, it is not easy, but it is something that I feel is required in a marriage. And when you love some one the sacrifices you make (even the hard ones) are worth it. Remember that marriage splits your sorrows and doubles your joys!

Don't blame the career for the problems in your relationship/ marriage. Whether your husband/fiance is a doctor or a teacher, you will have problems at some time or another. And while it's easy to point the finger and say "If you weren't this, we wouldn't have that problem" Every marriage will encounter stress, problems, and trials regardless of what your profession is or your husbands. In my opinion marriage problems are rarely about the trials/ stresses faced but the reaction to the stress/ how you handle problems.

Okay... I think this post is long enough so that is all I have to say about that for today. I hope you all have a happy Monday!

Eight Years Ago...

I married the man of my dreams! And eight years later I would do it all again, I love you Mike!