Proverbs 14:1 says, "The wise woman builds her house, But the foolish tears it down with her own hands." This verse has a lot of meaning, but today I'm going to focus on how it applies to us, as wives of doctors. (really this applies to everyone!) Most doctors work very long hours, and especially as interns, residents, and fellows have very little control over the hours that they work. In turn, this means that as a wife of a doctor, there will be times when you will find yourself putting the kids to bed by yourself, going to social functions alone, tackling the to-do list on your own, etc. You can accept this as part of your husbands career and make the best of it, or you can tear down your house, your husband and your marriage by "pouting and punishing*" your husband over things that he cannot change. So how can you build your house?
• Understand that there are going to be times when your husband will have to work long hours, miss important events, or get called in at the last minute, and plans may be unexpectedly changed.
• Be understanding about this, your husband is probably frustrated too. He would probably rather be home with you, not stuck at work. You can be frustrated at the situation, but don't take it out on your spouse.
• Acknowledge how hard your spouse works, and how much you appreciate what he does for his family. Remember that acknowledging his hard work is not saying that you don't work hard too. It is highly likely that you both work long hours (whether you work at home or out of the home, or both!) You appreciate it when you get a little acknowledgment for all of your hard work, and he does too!
• Don't berate your husband for missing things/ being late/ etc. to your children. Talk respectfully about your husband to your children.
• Explain to them the importance of what your husband does- helping people is a noble calling. We talk about our "hard-working Daddy", and how lucky we are to have a Daddy who works so hard for us. (remember that acknowledging that someone else works hard, doesn't mean that you don't!)
• Don't just acknowledge this to your children, tell your husband too!
• Have realistic expectations- know when your husband is going to be working. Put it on your calendar so you know his schedule when you are planning things.
• When your children have events that your husband must miss, include him by video taping the event, taking pictures, and having your children perform an encore performance for Daddy.
• When long hours interfere with family time- get creative! Can you have a lunch date with Daddy? Maybe a phone call or video chat? Not as good as time with Dad, but make the best of it!
These are just a few ideas to help "build your home". It's not easy when your husband's long hours at work translate into more responsibility for you, but punishing your husband for something he cannot control is not going to help things. Build your home, and your husband with positive and encouraging words. I hope you come back next week for more Medical Mondays!
