The Doctors Wife

A Must Read

For my fellow residency, fellowship, medical school wives you must go read this very thoughtful post by Jennifer. 

Medical Mondays- Stereotypes

Today we're talking stereotypes. Wether we like it or not, they're out there, and if you have been lucky enough to escape them, you will likely face them at some point down the line. I have found that there are several stereotypes of doctors' wives that are the most common, and there are some that I have encountered that I honestly have no idea where people come up with them. 

Perhaps the biggest stereotype that women whose husbands are doctors face is the notion that because your husband is a doctor, you have money, and lots of it. I don't know about all you other wives, but we (unfortunately) don't have a money tree growing in our backyard. One day, Mike will likely be making a very good living, but that is many years away. And even when the money is coming in, we have medical school debt to pay for. While I will not complain about our standard of living (we live a comfortable lifestyle by most any standard), we try to be good stewards of our money, but things are tight. We have everything we need, and also things that we want, we are luckier than many. But I still face the stereotype that I live in a McMansion. drive a luxury car, buy expensive clothes, take exotic vacations, etc. This is not the case, and for many physicians wives that I know, this is not the case for them either. Most people assume that medical school is a lean time, but then people assume that once you are done with school, the money rolls in. I think that people are shocked to learn that while you may be a doctor, during the training years of internship, residency, and fellowship, the salary is very modest, especially when you factor in the number of hours worked. (for most if you divide the salary by the number of hours worked it is right around minimum wage) Even after these training years are completed, many doctors have financial obligations from medical school (that are to the tune of several hundred thousand dollars) so while their salary may increase, they are not actually "enjoying" the extra money. So yes, some doctors enjoy a handsome salary, but for most it is years of practice before they get to that point.

The second stereotype that I am frequently faced with, is the implication that I married my husband for money. This is laughable to me. My husband and I are high-school sweet hearts, who put ourselves through school, and have led a modest lifestyle during the course of our eight year marriage. I married my husband for the man he is, my love for him has absolutely nothing to do with what he does for a living. I would love him the same no matter what his occupation. I have written previously about the implications that people make, and you can read about that here. And can I say that something must have set me off before I wrote that- my goodness I was fired up!

The third stereotype that I frequently deal with is the idea that my husband must surely cheat on me at some point, because that is what doctors do. They cheat, and leave their wives for a young new shiny model, or a nurse that they work with, or a patient, or on and on and on. I know that this happens. There are doctors who cheat on their wives and leave them. That is reality. (and it is awful- and I am sorry for anyone who has to deal with such a terrible betrayal) But this is not a phenomenon that is limited to physicians, unfortunately infidelity runs rampant in our society. In my opinion wether or not a person is going to cheat on their spouse has a lot more to do with their morals and character than their job. Of course there are jobs that may offer more opportunity, or even temptation, but if your spouse is the type who would be unfaithful, their career is not the deciding factor. I am not worried about Mike cheating on me, I trust him and I believe that he takes his wedding vows seriously (as I do), and this would be the case no matter what his profession. 

So those are the stereotypes that I face the most, there are others, but there is only so much time in the day! So I want to hear from you, what stereotypes do you face?

Sick

Hannah is sick. She has been fussy for the last couple of days, and woke up from her nap yesterday with a high fever. We went to the doctor today and she seems to already be feeling a little better- antibiotics are a wonderful thing! (but oh my it is hard to get her to take it!) I'm hoping she'll sleep through the night- we could both really use the rest! Hoping you are all well!

 While Hannah is sick- she would like to give a shout out to her BFF Paige on her 2nd birthday, Happy Birthday Paige!

Feed Your Faith

I was taking a pre-nap drive (and a Sonic run!) with the kids today, we passed a church and I just love what the bill-board said, "Feed your faith, and your fears will starve to death". I just love it! If we focus on our faith, and spend time in prayer and in God's word, things that we are afraid of seem smaller and less significant, and pretty soon there is nothing to fear because we know that our Heavenly Father is bigger than any problem. So if you have fears that you are dealing with, stop feeding into the fear cycle and start feeding your faith!

Medical Mondays- Match

The 2009 match has come and gone, and I hope all of you fourth years are excited to know where you will be! For those of you who are unfamiliar with match, I will give a brief explanation. (if Mike were reading this he would  laugh at the idea of me giving a brief explanation)

As a fourth year medical student you send out applications for residency positions. Based on your application, residency programs offer interviews for their spots. After interviews are complete, all fourth years must turn in a match rank list. This list ranks the residency positions they interviewed for in the order of their top choices (ie #1 is the program you want to go to the most) Then all of the residency programs send in their rank lists of the students they want. (This is all supposed to be a secret, the programs are not allowed to say what they are ranking you, and students are not supposed to tell either.) A computer figures the whole thing out using assigned ID numbers and the highest "match" is where you go. The match will always give the student their highest match, for instance if two programs both ranked a student #1, the student would go to the program that they ranked the highest. If you do not match, you "scramble". Unmatched students are given access to a list of programs who have spots that didn't match, and they must contact them and set up interviews, etc and try to secure a position on their own. Make sense? I am not even going to go into the osteopathic v. allopathic match- if you have questions about this, email me. So now if you are still reading, I will get on with my story. 

So now for our match story. Mike set out to go into a very competitive specialty. He rotated and interviewed at multiple programs and had received very positive feedback. (On one of his evaluations the program director had written that he couldn't wait to meet me and Hannah that summer when he began his residency) Mike submitted his list and we were fairly certain that we would be going to one of his top 4 choices, even though that particular year this specialty was supposed to be very competitive. (we found out later that it was the most competitive specialty that year) Mike was a strong candidate- he had excellent grades, class rank, board scores, letters of rec, etc. We were nervous of course, but were also excited to begin a new chapter. (I was pregnant with Hannah at the time) Match day finally arrived and Mike was working and I had stayed home from work so I could check Mike's email and let him know the results. The appointed time came and I clicked open his email, and there it was, the results. I'm not sure how I didn't hyperventilate or go into early labor from the stress, but I opened the email.

And then my heart sunk. He had not matched. I was shocked. I was stunned. Mike was such a strong candidate and I could not understand how in the world he had received such amazing comments on his reviews and interviewed at so many programs, and still not matched. And I did not know how in the world I was going to tell Mike. We talked over the phone and Mike finished his day of work. That night we talked and prayed about everything, and while I DID NOT understand, I trusted that God had a plan for us. The next day the scramble began and Mike set up a couple of interviews with programs that had openings. I was SO optimistic, he was such a good candidate, I did not see how he could possibly not get a spot. 

It turns out that my optimism was going to be shattered again. He did not get a spot. We talked about our options, and Mike was not ready to commit to another specialty. He interviewed and was accepted for a traditional internship position in our home town. I was still optimistic that God had something amazing in store for us, and I could only have faith that God had a plan even more amazing than anything we could have imagined. I was surprisingly mellow about all of the uncertainty. I think it helped that we were so close to Hannah's arrival, while this match business was all a HUGE deal, it was certainly not the biggest thing going on for us.

The summer came and we packed up, sold our house and moved. Mike began his internship (and I began this blog) and had a pretty good year. He was asked to be chief intern, and several of the programs tried really hard to recruit him. Mike was holding out for his original specialty choice, and was waiting for a PGY2 spot to open up. During the fall of his intern year in the middle of applying (again) for spots, the program coordinator called him into her office. They had implemented some new program for their residents, and she was testing a few things out and had been using Mike's ID number. She was looking over his information and noticed that quite a bit of it was wrong, showing that he was an MS1 (first year medical student) and did not show any of his board scores, etc. Mike was of course, concerned about this, and upon further investigation found out that his ID had also been mistakenly assigned to another student with the same name (do we see a pattern here?) and HAD NOT BEEN ENTERED IN THE MATCH!!!! 

We were shocked. Suddenly things made sense, I never did understand how he didn't match when he had been such a good  candidate. Looonnnnggg story short, no positions worked out, and he chose another specialty. He interviewed and was accepted and we packed up and moved.

 While this is a plan b, it has been pretty sweet. Mike enjoys his job, has great hours (so far!), and we are surrounded by a fabulous group of friends in a city that we love, and has come to feel more like home to me than the city we grew up in. I knew all along that God had a plan for us, and being where we are has been pretty amazing. When I was pregnant with David I was so sick, and we were close enough that our families could come and help out, and our friends were a fantastic support. Things have worked out so well for us, and I know that the best is yet to come.

So I hope you are happy with where you matched. And if you didn't get a top choice, or didn't match, HAVE FAITH!!! God has a plan for you and it is far better than anything you imagined for yourself!

"For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope, and a future"  

Jeremiah 29:11

Hope you come back next week-stereotypes will be the topic! 

Hello, Old Friend

So today the new power cord arrived. The lap top is back in business!! And this makes me happy. I missed the convenience and several blogs that I have been reading are  bookmarked, and oh I am just glad that it's back. (yes, small pleasures people, I live a simple life) And I am catching up on Idol tonight, and oh my the Adam guy is driving me crazy! The eyeliner is just creepy and I HATED the weird version of Cash, and Boo Mama hit it right on the head, he has Kate Gosselin's hair! Any way, I HATED the theatrical, overly dramatic, overly indulgent performance and I can't wait for him to be sent home. But I don't think it will happen. Sigh. Now for the results show... (fingers crossed that Adam goes home) 

Top of The Mornin' or Evenin'

I meant to post this earlier, but the day has flown by, ad I have been operating this week without a laptop. Someone (I'm not naming any names) in a sleep deprived state of mind left the laptop out where it could be knocked down by a toddler. And the fall left the power cord jacked up and useless. So my computer time has been very limited as I am stuck in Mike's office (otherwise known as the guest room aka the land of a million things for tiny hands to get into), but luckily, the replacement it supposed to arrive tomorrow. So anyhoo, Happy St. Patrick's Day!

Medical Mondays- The Beginning of the Story

    Becoming a doctor is a process, it is filled with many people and events, and often begins long before medical school begins. And while getting there is certainly part of that journey, today I'm going to talk about the beginning of medical school- more specifically the acceptance story. If you were dating or married to your spouse when they were accepted to medical school you most certainly have a story. Here is ours.

Mike and I got married the summer before his senior year of college. We knew that medical school was a goal and had decided that we did not want our first year of marriage to coincide with his first year of school. (Many things factored into this- including my own schooling which was a huge factor in our decision- so if you are engaged and are reading this, please don't freak out and email me- you'll be fine) So while our first year of marriage was not filled with anatomy lab, medical debt, and all that is the first year, it was filled with MCATS, applications and much anticipation about where we would spend the next four years of our lives. To make a long story short I will jump ahead and say that Mike sent in all necessary applications, information, etc. and we did not hear anything, and we were starting to wonder, but we had never been in that situation before and did not know what to expect. We later found out that the people you send in all of your stuff,and then they send it to the schools (I know it has a name, but I can't remember and am pressed for time!) had recieved his application information, but failed to forward the information to the medical schools. They corrected the mistake, but we felt that we were starting out behind. Interview season was coming to a close, and many spots had already been filled. One day our phone rang, I answered and it was a woman from a medical school confirming an interview date for that weekend. I explained that we had never recieved any information about the interview, but Mike would certainly be there. I gave her our address, etc. and she said that she would send out information asap. The same woman later called back to inform us that a mistake had been made, Mike had been confused with another applicant with the same last name. A few weeks later we received a letter of acceptance from that same school. We were stunned, but excited. Mike called the school since a mistake had been made before, they confirmed that he had been accepted. A several weeks later  we found out that again, it was a mistake, the letter had been intended for the other applicant. We were so disappointed, especially since Mike had made every effort to make sure that the acceptance letter was actually for him. I was so upset about this whole sequence of events, but Mike maintained his integrity and made the best out of a really lousy situation. (Needless to say this particular medical school was not exactly on my happy list) At this point in the year Mike applied and was accepted into graduate school. Plans change and even though we could not see it at the time, God had a perfect plan for us.

Now we get to the actual acceptance story, fast forward a year later, Mike had many interviews and after one in particular, cancelled all of his others. He had a good feeling and just felt that that particular school was the one for him, and felt that it was where God intended for us to be. I was finishing up my junior year and we were a couple of college kids working to put themselves through school living off campus in an apartment that was in between school and our places of work. So you can imagine our delight when we returned home one sunny afternoon to find a message taped to our door that the management office had a package for us. We both knew what it was and I think we ran all the way to that office to get that letter. Mike opened the letter and we were jumping up and down hugging.(I think I cried) I was so proud of Mike. His hard work and patience had paid off, and he had been accepted to the school of his choice. I'm sure the management and anybody else who was in the office that day thought that we were a couple of young, crazy college students, but oh how happy our hearts were that day. It is a truly privilged and wonderful thing to see someone you love deeply, have their dream come true. I will never forget how we felt that day. During some of the trials of medical school, I looked back on that day and remembered how excited we were. A whole new chapter of our lives began with that letter, and even today, the story still continues.

So what is your story? Share it in the comments, or leave a link! See you back next week for more medical Mondays!

*I specifically left out the name of medical school that caused us so much drama- I'm sure it is a perfectly wonderful school and we have put all of this behind us many years ago. So even if you ask, I'm not telling.

Bringing In Spring

While making a quick run to the grocery store on Wednesday, I decided to pick up some shamrocks for St. Patrick's day, and also grabbed a hyacinth. When I got home I enlisted my Mom to help me put the three together- we both immediately eyed a large metal bowl that sits on top of my fridge, and this is what we came up with:

I love how it looks, and it has brought in a perfect touch of spring to my dining room. This time of year always makes me want to freshen things up, and this was a super budget friendly- I spent about $10 on the plants, everything else I already had. What do you do to freshen things up without spending a fortune?

Perhaps They Would Like A Goat?

As I was driving home the other day, I was pointing out animals to Hannah. We saw cows, horses, chickens, birds, and ducks. We make the animal sounds and this little game helps to pass the time and keep my little sweetie awake (thus preserving the all important nap). When we got to our neighborhood I mentioned that Oliver and Sophie (our dogs for you newbies) would be very excited to see us when we got home. And they were, they greeted us with delightful happy barks and yips. Our dogs certainly do their fair share of barking, they are after all dogs. But I do not feel that it is excessive, and when they get loud, we make an effort to keep them quiet as it is an annoyance to us and we do not want to bother our neighbors. Speaking of the neighbors, their pooches are noisy. (and that is putting it politely) Oh my gracious, the incessant barking. Bark, bark, bark bark, bark bark ALL DAY LONG! And into the NIGHT! I love animals, especially dogs, but these particular dogs are constantly barking. So while driving the other day I noticed a goat in a backyard. (not in my neighborhood- this was out in the country) And I thought "Whoa! Who has a goat in their backyard? What do their neighbors think?" And then I got to thinking, how loud could a goat possibly be? Certainly not as loud as the dogs next door...hmmm perhaps they could get a goat?