The Doctors Wife

Little Baby No More

I can't believe how big Hannah is getting. Mike and I were discussing at dinner that she is getting to the point that we will start taking her out of her car-seat and putting her in the shopping cart, and at restaurants a high chair. (with one of these, of course!) She can sit up by herself, which absolutely blows my mind! We have begun baby proofing the house in anticipation of her crawling, I have the video camera ready to go- she scoots and every day I expect it to turn into crawling. She has started to cut teeth, and just has a more mature look about her. (I know it is ridiculous to describe a baby as having a mature look, but you know what I mean, she is starting to look like an older baby, no more mistaking her for a newborn). She will be six months old in a few days- and I cannot believe how fast my little baby is growing up. Everyday she is growing and changing, and I am loving every minute.

Mom

We celebrated my Mom's birthday today. We went out for dinner and then enjoyed a really delicious chocolate cake that my sister in law made. I love my Mom- she is my best friend and gives the greatest advice. In this post, I mentioned that I worried about my Mom in high school. I had a very good reason- she had a brain tumor and underwent major surgery to have it removed. I will never forget the day I found out. It was the first week of school my junior year in high school, my Mom had been having really bad head-aches and had gone to her doctor. He then referred her to a neurologist. The day of her appointment with the neurologist I had car-pooled to school with several friends (a car full of cheer-leaders and pom girls- oh boy did we sing along to the music!) it wasn't my day to drive and I was the first to be dropped off. It had been a good day at school- Mike had had his wisdom teeth removed and I had promised him that I would come see him and bring him a strawberry milk shake.

I got out of the car and as I shut the door and stepped out onto the drive-way I knew immediately something was wrong. You could feel it in the air- the air felt heavy, I will never forget this feeling as long as I live. When I walked through the front door my Dad met me. I could tell that he had been crying- and my Dad doesn't cry. He said that we needed to talk about Mom, but I had already started to shut down. I remember that I had started to cry and was shaking my head, he said that the doctor had found a tumor on her brian stem, and then I looked down the hall and saw my Mom. She had just sat up- she had been lying on the sofa and had been crying too. I remember picking up my car keys and saying "I have to leave. I have to go now- I have to leave." And I got in my car and started to drive. I must have had angels really looking out for me that day because I was crying hard and had no business driving- but I had to get out of the house. I pulled up to a Braum's and sat in the parking lot for a short eternity trying to settle down and stop crying so I could go in. I hate crying in front of other people and I wasn't about to go inside crying so hard. I finally got it together enough and went inside. I walked up to the counter and asked for a medium strawberry shake. It must have been obvious that I had been crying, the guy behind the counter asked "Are you alright?" My eyes welled up and I started crying again, I shook my head no, payed for the shake and rushed back to my car. I drove to Mike's neighborhood and pulled into the driveway. I wanted to see him so badly- he is the best listener in the world and I needed to talk to him. I rang the door bell and a swollen faced groggy Mike came to the door. I handed him the strawberry shake and started to cry. I told him about my Mom and he hugged me. Then my heavily medicated boyfriend slept in my lap while I sat and cried. I was so heart-broken. I was (am) so close to my parents- and the thought of loosing my Mom was unbearable, I couldn't imagine how I could ever get over something so awful and could barely breathe thinking about the possibility that my Mom could die. A few hours later I knew I had to go home, I pulled it together enough to stop crying got in my car and drove home.

Everything happened so fast over the next couple of weeks; the leading surgeon in the type of surgery my Mom needed was in another state- so my parents would be gone for several weeks. I knew I couldn't go- if I missed that much school I would have to repeat the year, and deep down I knew that even if I did go, I wouldn't be able to do anything. (and my parents didn't need an emotionally frantic, hysterical crier around) My parents didn't want me to stay at home by myself, and we all felt it would be too disruptive for me to have to move in with a friend or my Grandma. My older brother agreed to move back into our house so I could stay. I am so grateful to Jason for this incredibly loving gesture. I had enough going on that I didn't need the turmoil of being a guest in someone's home, even with the best friend or family you are still not at home, and I needed to be home. Before my parents left, I cried so much. I have never cried so much in my life. I cried out to God that I needed my mother and he just couldn't take her from me. I needed her, I was only 17. She could miss seeing me graduate, going to prom, all of the events that make you appreciate your mom. I could not imagine getting married and my mother not being there. Or having a baby without my Mom to be there to meet her grandchild. The thought of these events occurring without my Mom to share them with me was unbearable. The joy from these milestones would be robbed.

I knew that I couldn't stay feeling that way- that I would have to stop crying. During this time I was still going to school, cheer practice, games and theatre rehearsals. But when I would get home I would go in my room and cry. And then I decided that I wouldn't be able to make it going on that way. "Cast your cares on the Lord and he will sustain you; he will never let the righteous fall" Psalm 55:21-23. I remember our pastor teaching on this topic, and talking about how we often go to God with our troubles ask him to fix them, but never really let go of them. We have the sense that if we take control and worry about the problem we will be able to fix it. But God wants us to tell him our troubles and give them to him, relinquishing all control to him. I decided that this is what I had to do to survive. I couldn't handle the crushing burden of worrying about my mother, I knew that I could not go on with all of the crying and overwhelming emotion. I prayed to God and told him that I needed my mother and I couldn't go on worrying about her and that I trusted him to take care of her, my family, and me. And I was done. My parents headed off for her surgery and I went on with my life. I went to school, cheer-leading practice, theatre rehearsals, I hung out with friends, and I hung out with Jason.

The day of her surgery I knew I could stay home- but I decided that the day would go by too slowly if I stayed at home, so I went to school. When I got home, I expected a message on the machine from my Dad saying that everything had gone well, but there was no flashing green light. I assumed that my Dad was busy with my Mom, and decided that everything would be fine and headed off to cheer practice. I got home and still- no flashing green light and my cell phone had no calls. I decided that perhaps things had taken a little longer and my Dad was with my Mom and hadn't had a chance to call. So I went to dinner with a friend and just knew that my phone would ring, or there would be a flashing green light waiting for me when I got home.

There was no green light when I got home. I started to panic. Things must have gone terribly wrong and my Dad couldn't bring himself to call. I frantically (but trying to appear calm) called my brother to see if he had heard anything, he hadn't. My heart sunk. I got off the phone with my brother and took a shower and cried. When I got out the phone was ringing. It was my Dad- the surgery had gone well. It had taken much longer than they had anticipated (16 hours v. the 6 they had planned for) the tumor had been much larger than they had originally thought. But she had pulled through and was expected to recover. I cannot express the relief I felt hearing the words- she should recover and be fine.

She did recover. She has had several more procedures since, but has remained healthy and virtually tumor free. She watched me graduate high school, get married, graduate college, and was there when we welcomed Hannah. I am grateful that my Mom was there to share these events with me. I still worry a little, but I know that God is in control and has a perfect plan for her. I love my Mom- she is a great mother, grandmother and friend. I am looking forward to celebrating many more birthdays with her. Happy Birthday Mom!

The Story Of Oliver

When I turned 21 I wanted a pet. Mike and I were newlyweds and a pet was the next step in our relationship, (ie the step before kids). We weren't ready for children yet, so I needed a little pet to lavish some attention on. First Mike tried a kitten. Mike is allergic to cats, but I grew up with a cat and was thinking a cat might be easier. We were both in under-grad and both worked full time and cats don't have to be potty trained or taken out so I was thinking that a cat was the way to go. Mike got a little kitten, he was a rescue kitty and very nervous. I was sure that he would relax once he go to know us. I named him Foxy and hoped he would stop being so nervous. He never stopped being so nervous, he ran away. Apparently life on the street was more appealing than living with me and Mike. (If only that little cat knew how good Oliver and Sophie live, he would regret his choice) So again I was pet-less. We decided that the cat running away was a sign to try a dog. We knew we wanted a rescue dog, and we knew it needed to be little since we lived in an apartment. We went to a shelter and oh my goodness that was traumatizing. I followed Mike and the woman showing us around crying. Looking at all of the poor little dogs in their cages, and none of them were right for us, so they remained in their little cages. Mike decided that my days of shelter hunting were over, I couldn't handle it and he knew it. So we started to look in the paper, we found an ad for a terrier mix and decided to check it out. Mike's mom came along to check out the puppies- it was a long drive to the other side of town (not the best area either) and when we got there, eeek! It was not the cleanest place, and their were small children everywhere and a mama dog with a whole little litter of puppies. The woman informed us that they had all been spoken for, but there was one little guy left, all by himself in a cage. My heart melted for this tiny little guy. I told her that we would take him, paid her the $40 she had been asking and we took him away. We rescued him, I am sure of that. He was covered in fleas. COVERED! We headed off to a Petsmart and I begged the woman at the grooming department to give him a bath. She was reluctant to bathe him since he hadn't had any shots, but I showed him to her and she couldn't resist him either. He was so tiny, he could fit in the palm of my hand. And he was so sleepy, he barely woke up for anything. He was not what people imagine a puppy to be, he was a tired little guy and not at all full of life. The next day I took him into the vet- he was amazed at the poor shape he was in. He said that he wouldn't have lasted more than a few more days in the condition he had been in. He was so anemic from all of the fleas, and malnourished (he was likely the runt) that his gums and tongue were not pink, but a sickish grey. The vet assured me that with his medicine and some good food in him, he would make a full recovery in no time. Oliver weighed less than a pound when we got him and the vet said he would be surprised if he made it up to five pounds. He had to have his shots one at a time, and some of them in several doses because he was so small. Oliver did recover- he sprang to life and has kept us on our toes ever since. He has a mischievous streak and likes to do things on his terms. He loves to go in the car and acts like he is the toughest dog ever. He loves to snuggle and is very smart. His favorite toy is a stuffed gorilla (we have gone through about eight of them) and he shamelessly "loves" on it. He is a good boy- oh and by the way, the vet was wrong, he weighs 13 pounds. (and he isn't over-weight) We love him and he seems to like us pretty good too.

One More Day

Mike comes home tomorrow. I am so glad I cannot find adequate words to describe how much I have missed him and how happy I will be when he walks through the door tomorrow night. I do not like being away from him. He is my best friend, the one who I want to talk to first whether it is good or bad news. He is the one who I want to see the cleverness in a remark I make, or laugh at a joke I tell. He is the one who knows me so well that I don't have to ask, so well that he knows just what to say, and when words are not right, can soothe me just with his presence without saying anything at all. He is my safe place, and a source of strength. He is so much to me- and I miss him. But he is coming home tomorrow- and I can hardly wait.

Letter To My Teenage Self

This post was written as a response to a writing challenge from Amy. You can check out a whole bunch of other awesome responses here.

Dear Joy,

Where to begin? First relax about Mom- she is going to be fine. She will have major surgery (that will take much longer than they expected) and will recover beautifully. She will live to see you get married and be around to meet her beautiful grand- daughter. Relax about Dad despite a few minor health problems he will be around for both of these events too. Enjoy these years with them, and know that they will be around for many more.

About the boys...you are right about Mike! He is the one. He will be an amazing husband and father. Try to get to know his family a little better- they are going to become your family too.

Don't stress about all the stupid math- you are right!! You will NEVER use it again! And your husband is a whiz at math if the rare occasion occurs that you need to know something from trig or calculus or whatever. Plus they have such great calculators that will practically do the math for you in college!

Enjoy your teenage years, they go by quick! Your life is turning out to be pretty great! So far, you would not change a thing, except to take away some of the worry.

Joy

PS- Enjoy being a size two, that unfortunately does not last forever.

Home At Last

I am so very tired. And I am sure that you are so very tired of reading about my being so tired. We are back from T-Town. It was a long couple of days crammed with activities. Some went better than others...some where kind of a disaster. I picked the dogs up from Mike's parents- I'm not sure what they got into but oh my lands they smelled. A blend of swampy stench and poop. I had to bathe them or I think they would have smelled up the whole house. So now that everyone is bathed and in bed I am catching up on being gone. I miss Mike terribly and am ready for him to be home. Two more days and my world will be right again...

A Quick Post Before Heading Out

So far my tire troubles are over (thanks to my big brother for picking me up to get a new tire and then putting it on for me!) and I have managed to avoid any other major catastrophes- only a few more days until Mike comes home!!! Hannah and I are headed off to T-Town today, we first have to finish getting the car loaded up and then drop the dogs off at my in-laws, but then we are off. We will be visiting with friends and have a full calendar. More on our mini trip tomorrow!

Great Great

Today my cousin and I took Hannah to see my great grandmother. I think it is pretty incredible that Hannah has a great-great grandmother- she is 103 years old! She broke her ankle over the weekend and was feeling kind of down- so what better way to cheer her up than a visit from her two great grand-daughters? A visit from her great-great grand-daughter! We visited while she held Hannah and Hannah studied her very intently- and then tried to eat her sweater. (we are cutting teeth!) My sweet Grams enjoyed our visit and Hannah and I did too. I forgot my camera (you'd think by now it would just stay in the diaper bag) but luckily my cousin remembered hers- when she sends me the pics I'll post them so you can share this precious moment!

Things Are About To Get Crazy

So Mike left today for the week. The plan was for him to leave around three, so he would have time to drive, get settled in, etc. He didn't leave until almost seven. Why you ask? Oh let me tell you. We slept in (as much as you can with a baby) and decided to take our time getting ready- no need to rush! So we decide to go out for lunch and then Mike would come home, finish packing and then leave. So I decided that I would be really sweet, take Mike's car, fill it up with gas, and have it washed and go pick lunch up so he could take his time getting ready. So I fill up his car, run it through the car-wash and go wait patiently for my car side pick up. And I wait. Mike called and I explained that I was still waiting on the food and would be home shortly. So they finally bring out our food, and I start to drive away.
"Hmmmmm. The car sounds funny...I wonder if there is a bottle or something stuck underneath it?"

I decide that I will not be able to stand to drive home with the noise and had better check things out. I pull up into a parking spot and get out to look. The left front tire is FLAT! So I call Mike up, explain that the tire is flat and he needs to come pick me up. I wait patiently for Mike and Hannah to show up knowing that this is definitely going to put a kink in Mike's travel plans, but also grateful that the flat occurred in a parking lot where Mike and I were only minutes away from each other. The thought of the tire going out on Mike on the interstate makes me want to shudder. So while the timing of the flat isn't great- it could have certainly been a lot worse! A few minutes later Mike and Hannah show up. I watch as Mike efficiently jacks the car up and gets out the spare- he says he had already called about getting the car in and they wouldn't be able to get to it until tomorrow and "would it be ok if he took my car and I just drove the car in with the spare tomorrow to have it fixed?" Sure, no problem! My car is due for an oil change- I had planned on taking it in tomorrow but I tell Mike that I will go ahead and leave so I can get it changed so he will be able to leave close to on time.

I manage to find some place open and they get my car right in. I asked if they could fix the flat and they could! Yeah! I call Mike and tell him the good news- he says he is just leaving and will meet me in a couple of minutes. A couple of minutes go by and my phone rings. It's Mike. The spare just went out. His dad was going to go and pick him and the tire up, bring it in and then Mike and I could take the fixed tire back and put it on the car. Not the best circumstance- but things could be worse right? (oh they most certainly could!) So Mike arrives with the tire- but wouldn't you know our luck? The tire is not fixable. It has a nail in the part of the tread that cannot be fixed, and must be replaced. And now it is late on a Sunday and we cannot go anywhere to get a new tire because everyone is closed.

So to keep this long story from getting any longer, tomorrow my brother is picking me up to go and get a replacement tire and then out to the car to put it on. Then I am off to the Honda dealership to go get a new spare tire (apparently you can only get Honda spares at a Honda dealer?) So friends, that is how my week without Mike kicked off. It makes me hopeful that the worst is over but a little weary that this is just the beginning of the crazy that is about to kick off. I 'm sure I'll let you know which way it goes.

The Story Of Sophie

Sophie will be four this year. She is a sweet dog- a little bi-polar at times, but very sweet. She, like any of us, has her issues. She can be too aggressive with Oliver, she is afraid of everything, she doesn't listen when she's outside, she is BOSSY, and she is grumpy when she's tired. But she is a good dog. We got Sophie after we moved for Mike to start medical school, Oliver seemed lonely. We knew we wanted another small dog, and we knew that we wanted a rescue dog. I knew that I couldn't handle going to animal shelters to look. (When we were looking for Oliver I ended up following Mike and the lady showing us around the shelter crying. All of those poor cats and dogs- who just want to be loved, to be out of their cages and living a normal life. In a sense they are the rejects- and that is just so sad. No animal should be a reject). My heart is too tender for that- but I knew I wanted to help a homeless dog. So I browsed the internet looking for rescue groups and saw a picture of Sophie. She was called "Baby" and one look at her little face and I knew that she would fit right in with our family. Mike took one look at her and agreed. We arranged to go meet her, and after meeting her we fell in love. We weren't able to take her with us that day- they were going to have her fixed before we could take her home. A week later we went to pick her up- she was bossy with Oliver from the get-go. But they got along well and have become good playmates. She is a snuggle puppy who likes to give kisses and loves to run. She adores Hannah is is very protective of her. She hates baths and doesn't like to go in the car. She loves Mike and wiggles with excitement when he comes home. She is a good dog and I am so glad she is part of our family.